DATELINE–Pubic Broadcasting System

LEHRER:

All right. This is our last question. It goes to President Clinton and it’s from this section. Yes ma’am.

QUESTION:

I’ve heard Mr. Dole say several times, “all of us together.” And when he was asked if he would support equal rights in employment for gay and lesbian people, you said that you favored that. And he said that he did not believe in special rights.

And I thought the question was equal rights for all people.

And I don’t understand why people are using the term “special rights” when the question is equal rights. Could you help me in understanding that?

CLINTON:

I want to answer your question, but let me say one other thing. We don’t need a constitutional amendment for kids to pray…

DOLE:

No discrimination in America. We’ve made that clear …race, color, uh [pause] whatever, uh, lifestyle…

Earlier that evening:

QUESTION (TRAVEL AGENT):

Homo says what?

CLINTON:

What?

DOLE:

What?

As the bright light of day and the photographic process dissolve vampires into nothingness, so video makes what is queer invisible, what is gay loss, what is homo (god have mercy on you) hardly worth a mention.

Two lines are forming at the port of this millennium’s departure. Clinton’s republican advisors direct the evacuation. You, in this line. You, get in the other line. Janice, tell our contestants what they have won. Behind Door Number One we have the Bridge to the 21st Century. Behind Door Number Two, the gang-plank that stretches over the river of political forgetfulness.

Like so much jetsam thrown overboard to lighten the sinking ship, queers are pushed, prodded and poked off the Democratic straight and narrow. As they say down South, they are “disappeared.” On whose shore will they wash up on election day? Will they crawl back into the arms of Clinton, these victims of domestic policy violence. Will they plead, I know you didn’t mean to hit me. I know you won’t do it again. It was my fault, Daddy. Forgive me.

Gay, Bi, Lesbian, Transgendered citizens (that’s homo-sex-you-all’s to the evangelicals out there) TV is not as it seems. You have chased the carrot of representation, dragging the wagon of party-based social reform, but it is all a ruse, an elaborate snipe hunt. The presidential campaign Sweeps Week has arrived and in the modern realm of appearance – that city upon an entertainment center, home of the electronic hearth and the capital of the electronic town hall – queers will never be visible to the political eye when video cameras are in operation…and the program’s sponsors are just around the corner.

Perhaps, Gays will be back after these messages. Perhaps, they will not. Gay couples are happy spenders and remarkably buoyant besides. Is the irony lost on us all?

Homo says what?

DATELINE–The Near Future
Listen, gentle readers, for your world is about to get thoroughly fucked up.

The clowns on TV, in white face, annotating this poll and that Polsby, they do not speak to the growing majority of American minorities. They make politics into an expensive three ring circus.

Minorities, you whisper? There are no more minorities in this age of “economic equality,” you add, reluctantly.

Come now, let us face this worldwide lie together. We all know in our secret hearts that a Second Civil War will be necessary to protect or expose this falsehood: Fellow citizens and residents, the lives of Americans are first and foremost social, political; then, perhaps, economic.

De-brief yourself “Oh, Corporate Climber": MONEY IS NOT THE ISSUE. THE ECONOMY IS NOT THE ISSUE. EMPLOYMENT IS NOT THE ISSUE. POLITICIANS ARE NOT FINANCIERS. THE PRESIDENT IS NOT CITIZEN KANE. NO HUMAN BEING IS AN ISLAND OF LABOR, SALARY, CREDIT AND DEBT.

Politics has always served to adjudicate social, cultural, even moral dilemmas. Speak to your television, speak to your radio, speak to your computer monitor:

You cannot tell us that our country is ruled by impartial money and not partial people.

You cannot tell us that Aquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome does not continue to impact all of our lives, every day. In the shower, in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the classroom, in the Doctor’s Waiting Room. As a nation, as a people, we are all dying slowly, but surely. No candidate is asked to speak on this, the Black Plague of our bleached-out times.

You cannot tell us that our futuristic penal system is not re-inventing the segregated South. Fellow Americans, is it any surprise just who spends a lifetime in the system and who never spends a day in a holding pen? Does Darien, Connecticut ring a bell? Not even remote restrainment devices and electronic surveillance kits can unscramble the code beat out of the prison bars during the sovereign era of Governor Rockefeller: a-t-t-i-c-a. A beat? A Los Angeles beat? A beating?

Ask yourselves:

Are we being protected from ourselves or from Them? North and South. U.S. and Them.

Will 100,000 more police officers undo the cultural wars that have culminated in the Bloods and the Crips? Will the CIA now “prevent” the influx of Crack poison into Black ghettoes? Will the NRA or the ATF now recall the bloody tidal wave of guns that will someday soon overtake us all? Yes, fear it. Fear it.

For even our subtlest White-folk tanks (the Volvo, the Sport Utility Vehicle) can be and will be car-jacked. ADM, GM, P&G, ATT, GTE, GE: for every dollar their CEO’s earn, another plant will be closed. Idaho will be ghettoized. Montana will be ghettoized. Nevada and Arizona will be ghettoized. There is no exit from our own, neglected history. Someday soon we can all sing “Kumbaya” together, for the first and last time, in the ghetto of the America that is to come. And it will come.

Though we should continue this maniacal monologue, time is money – is it not? Is it not?

Think about the future. Think about the past. With an ever-increasing margin of social and political difference between the very rich and the very rest of us, what does the future look like? What does the future sound like? And if your mindset is predisposed to the darker shades of the spectrum, let us remind you that White militiamen are minorities, too – and no, not all of them will fail to destroy the FBI’s vault of our unique digital codes.

DATELINE–Minivan, Suburbia

At last, the pseudo-Myst-ical appeal of the Internet, the World Wide Web, the chat room, e-mail and Information Superhighway … comes clean (what a relief, what sadistic control) in the latest wave of America Online commercials.

Surfing the Jetsons, America Online subtly admits there is no more wind in the sails of the Internet explorers, navigators, conquistadors – save for the same exasperated gust of inspiration that set off this “revolution” less than two years ago: the present is nowhere, the future is everywhere. Forget multiculturalism, here’s multimedia.

We are not surprised by this shotgun marriage of the Jetsons theme song and America Online’s Internet services. Yet, at the same time, we must mourn the lost innocence of the former. The Jetsons, campy cartoon series that once shamelessly mocked the Cold War fantasy of a techno-fied domestic utopia, must now perform as happy (if hapless) bride to the Online Industry’s pig-headed brand of aimless futurism. The future is online. Online is the future.

The robot maid vacuums as the mockingbird sings.

The irony of the Jetsons must now fall flat on the circuitous, pedal-to-the-metal drive of a million PC’s spinning endlessly; downloading cheap porn, sports stats, idle chatter. The fire alarm has been set off. How will the market react now that AOL has let the cat out of the plastic bag? Can Microsoft’s ongoing campaign of unpaid advertisements on the front pages of Time, Newsweek, Forbes, etc., adjust to such a deliciously devilish denouement? Will the ceremonious coronation of King Gates continue to inspire the masses now that the Future has been removed from the back room and placed (at discount prices) on the shelf?

This final AOL campaign means nothing less than the collapse of the upper deck on the Information Superhighway. When the exponentially indebted American peoples peel back the cell phone cellophane of “A Better Tomorrow A Mere E-mail Away,” who will absorb their dull wrath? Imagine their discombobulated shock as they discover that the FutureTM has buried the past and the planet of the ape suits has overtaken the present? L.A. 1992, Chicago 1968, Miami 1981.

America: Welcome, you have mail. Welcome, you have mail. Welcome, you have mail.

DATELINE–dolekemp96.org

Bob Dole tells the Young People of America to GIT ONLINE!

While Senator Emeritus Bob Dole huffed and puffed his way through Sunday’s 90 minute debate against acting president and fellow Republican, Bill Klinton, he stole the show with his closing remarks addressed to the Young People of America.

Painting a grim picture of non-virtual life in the 21st century, Dole warned,

You’re not going to have the opportunities.
It’s going to be more deficits, more drugs,
more crime and less competence in the
American people.

Young People of America, lay down those crack babies and let Bob Dole lead you into the 21st century. Get in goose step with the Republican Party and GIT ONLINE! As for what’s left of the Real WorldTM, Dole opines, “…if you care about the future of America, if you care about your future, JUST DON’T DO IT.”

Once upon a time medical technology snatched Bob Dole from the gaping maw of death in the hills of Italy. Today, the personal computing revolution will lift this candidate up onto the shoulders of a content generation which will carry him forward to victory. “We may have dreadlocks and piercings, but we’re making good money.” Multimedia for Dole! Multimedia for Dole! Multimedia for Dole!

Bob Dole made himself new on Sunday night. He needs no bridge to bear us into the 21st century. Greater opportunities. Smaller deficits. Less drug abuse. More competence. Prosperous white folk. The 1950s are the future, and the future has already arrived on the Web. Won’t you meet Bob Dole there?

This is important business. This election is
important. I ask for your support. I ask for your
help. If you really want to get involved, just tap
into my home page:

www.dolekemp96 uh… org.

DATELINE–South Northridge

While politics makes for strange bedfellows, nothing’s more alien to the American political scene than the proposed alliance between a notorious white supremacist and a cutting edge immigrants rights organization. South to the Future, a progressive Northern California media watchdog, is stretching the maxim to its limit in the hopes that a highly publicized act of miscegenation will pollute the life blood of the 1996 California Civil Rights for Whites Initiative (CCRwI).

The legislation, which also operates under the aliases “CCRI” and “Prop. 209,” goes before California voters in the November 5, 1996, general election. The state ballot initiative would abolish affirmative action, outlaw public contract set-asides for women and minorities, and allow state and local governments to institute employment discrimination against women at will.

Yes on Prop. 209 Committee states its own motto as
“Rights for all, preferential treatment for none.” *

Widely considered a referendum on the pro-white movement which has swept the American political scene, the legislation has incited a hotly contested political and cultural battle drawing attention from progressive and conservative players on both the local and national level.

South to the Future is one such player. David Duke is another.

After heated closed door discussions, the South to the Future Board of Directors and selected members from the community decided that it was “time to turn the Brothers against the Bubbas.” Citing “the American tradition of polarization, obfuscation and the almighty photo op,” SttF issued an invitation to David Duke, the Louisiana Senate candidate and founder of the National Association for the Advancement of White People (NAAWP), to travel to California and campaign for the passage of the 1996 Civil Rights for Whites Initiative.

The National Association for the Advancement of White People (NAAWP) states its own motto as:

“Equal rights for all, special privileges for none."*

SttF claims in a press release that it is only finishing the work begun last month by the student government at Cal State Northridge. A spokesperson for SttF recently declared, “Civil disobedience was the hallmark of protest in the sixties. Made-for-TV political stunts and baldly offensive irony are the touchstones of what passes for political activism in the nineties.”

The invitation includes a first class airline ticket to carry Duke from Louisiana to the Southern Californian destination of his choosing. Additionally, a small stipend of an undisclosed sum will be provided to defray personal expenses.

Conditions attached to the acceptance of the offer include:

Duke must refer to the ballot legislation as “The Civil Rights for Whites Initiative (CCRwI)” in a broadcastable soundbyte of 15 seconds or less.

Duke must iterate at all appropriate opportunities his admiration for Governor Pete Wilson in acceptable soundbyte form. For example: “Pete Wilson is a credit to the white race” or “Therefore I declare Pete Wilson an honorary member of the National Association for the Advancement of White People (NAAWP)”

Duke must make himself available to national network news representatives and tabloid reporters for interviews following all public appearances.

South to the Future adamantly denies that the offer is merely a self-serving publicity stunt. The organization argues that it simply wants to provide the people of California and the national media market with the information needed to make an informed decision about the intent as well as the content of the Civil Rights for Whites Initiative.

In organization’s own words:

“Politics mirrors fashion. In the world of clothing design, style makers execute changes in trends vis a vis extreme visual statements. The results are often jarring, occasionally ridiculous. But the concepts embodied by haute couture eventually trickle down to the off the rack clothing lines. These influences may be subtle and muted, but they remain utterly recognizable. South to the Future dabbles in designer politics. And while the market for an original SttF theory may be narrow, the ideas will trickle down into mainstream political discourse and then, maybe then, the people will buy them.”

DATELINE–South San Jose

After nearly two months of undercover investigations, South to the Future has learned that Kathie Lee Gifford is, in fact, a cybernautic replicant, created by IBM and a secret union of its competitors during the late 1980’s to re-route the attention of the American public and keep the backhanded slave trade of “American” multinational corporations from causing a stir. Tegucicalpa, Honduras has nothing on San Jose, California. The border is a line of floss in the teeth of the emerging Corporate-Government Leviathan. NAFTA spelled backwards is MSNBC.

We have caught the nuclear football. The husband of Kathie Lee Gifford is none other than ex-football star Frank Gifford. Frank Gifford and Jack Kemp: both proven patriots in the same tactical and strategic defense force of the NFL. Jack Kemp, who recently backed Kalifornia Governor Pete Wilson’s Civil Rights for Whites (aka, CCRI) campaign, received the financial and moral endorsement of major Silicon Valley executives yesterday, September 30, 1996. Below the big blue banner of Netscape, Kemp spoke of his plans for a better, brighter, lighter, quieter tomorrow while tossing a football to Joe Montana. Montana, Montaöa, Mountain Pass: clever cryptic messages are being disseminated over the public airwaves – warning to all coyotes smuggling Hispanic men, women and children over the mountain passes: lay low, the coast is not yet clear.

The San Jose Mercury news reports that “IBM imports Mexican workers from its Guadalajara plant to labor seven days a week on its San Jose assembly line for Mexican wages – the equivalent of $1.40 an hour.” Did Jack Kemp (wearing a navy blue suit) also, indirectly, receive the endorsement of these cute little brown indentured servants?

Are these “legal aliens” who assembled disk drives in IBM’s San Jose plant – literally feet away from their Mexican-American counterparts – the same aliens said to be hovering in silver cigar-shaped vessels over our skies? Or are these “legal aliens” being smuggled into the United States by the Cunning Coyotes of California-based Computer Corporations in order to compensate for the arrest and deportation of Hispanic American coyotes now being tried as “terrorists” under Clinton’s new Anti-Terrorism™ legislation?

The Alien and Sedition acts of years gone by are once again suddenly in our Myst. The Linkage™ between brown skin (foreign languages) and white plastic covered computers (computer languages) is now officially sealed in print: “IBM spokesman Cary Ziter stated Monday in a letter to the Mercury News [that] the [imported Mexican] workers needed to know how to assemble 9 gigabyte disk drives, which are now made in San Jose but not Mexico.”

What will these Mayan cannibals do with such awesome technical know-how? What plots of devilish destruction are in store for our (mostly colored) American troops now that Mexican nationals can assemble disk drives capable of storing up to nine (9) gigabytes of information?

South to the Future has foreseen their counter-attack: with such powerful Recursive Array Information-sorting Drives these aliens (infamous for their song “La Cucaracha", or, “The Roach") will further shuffle the deck of the American work force (the American people, by any other name); finally exterminating the clandestine connection between Big Business, Big Brother and the misfortune of the American peoples for eternity. To quote from the Mercury news:

“IBM, the world’s largest computer maker, has gone through a massive downsizing since 1993, laying off thousands of workers. Since then, the company has been revving up production at its San Jose plant to meet increased demands for disk drives.”