DATELINE–Hobe Sound, Fla.

“On bended knee” may have described a good number of female Arkansas state employees more than a decade ago, but “weak at the knees” is how today’s president will be remembered in years to come.

At approximately 1:20 a.m. on Friday morning, President Bill Clinton “fell” and tore the tendons off his right knee. Luckily, the inebriated Clinton “fell” into the waiting arms of his host, Australian golf champion, Greg Norman. Mr. Norman, who is known on the PGA Tour as “The Great White Shark,” is a legal alien residing in a multi-million dollar mansion in southern Florida and apparently a “golf buddy” of Clinton.

Drunken collapse or conversion experience?

Just last year, President Clinton spit into the political wind when he signed a death warrant for all government-sponsored relief to the poor, aged and infirm (aka the Welfare Reform Bill). Could it be that Friday’s late night fiasco is only the first installment of a karmic payback about to be served on our Commander-in-Chief?

White House staffers have already attempted to spin last Friday’s nocturnal “misstep” as a simple slip of the heel. But any American with eyes to see knows the recent rent in the presidential musculature is an epiphany of biblical proportions.

In a town called Hobe Sound, in a mansion named Tranquillity, after nearly five inoperative years as the “leader” of the Free World, the self-made man from Hope finally met his maker.

Hospital room photographs taken on Saturday show President Clinton and his estranged wife, Hillary Rodham, obviously overcome with religious fervor, aglow with a tenderness no mere “non-narcotic” pain killer could have induced.

“I feel my pain,” Clinton declared at a post-op photo-op, and his pain, transmogrified into the empty stomachs of millions of America’s poorest children, is truly everlasting.

As television news perpetuated the subterfuge of the “official story” using ready-made anatomical models, colorful medical infographics and “expert” opinions, the real drama at the White House continued to unfold behind closed doors.

An anonymous source within the Clinton cabinet reports that Greg Norman was indeed the only “witness” present when President Clinton succumbed to the voice of God and swept down to the ground to beg the Lord’s forgiveness. Mr. Norman is said to have picked up a weeping, disoriented president, all the while reassuring him that “history would forget what God could not forgive.”

Clinton was purportedly visiting Florida to support education…and to play golf.

“He’s fine, he wasn’t sedated at all,” White House spokeswoman Mary Ellen Glynn said. “It looks like the president will not be playing golf today.”

Golf or God?

Is it not painfully apparent that Clinton’s breakdown was a result of the ongoing moral battle raging inside the president’s head? The hand of God has touched Bill. Perhaps, now that he has been crippled, humbled, and made a man once more, no longer will President Clinton lord over America with such reckless disregard for the welfare of its people.