DATELINE–The 50 Colonies

The Truth will set the U.S. free.

Election day is honesty day.

I am the only candidate running on a platform of brutal honesty. Tourette’s syndrome honesty. All of the Jacksons were sexually abused honesty. The honesty of an innocent young child who asks, “Why do you have a beard, grandma?”

Why honesty? Because the truth will set you free. Not free as in “Freebird” or free as in “buy one get one free,” but free as in Emancipation Proclamation. Free, to be you and me.

Why freedom? Because deep down inside, tucked away behind all the torn receipts, unread letters, and specks of lint we all store in the top drawer of our souls waiting for that bright Sunday afternoon when we’ll have the time and the energy to clean it all out, there, down there, is a yearning for liberty. Liberty and Justice. For all.

Truth begets Liberty. Liberty begets Justice. And we be getting too far from the foundations of the great and tragic experiment in democracy we call “America.”

WHY THE TRUTH HURTS SO GOOD

Our nation is under siege.

Politicians don’t tell the truth anymore. They think the truth is going to frighten voters. They talk like the truth is some kind of cold you catch. Like the truth is going to make your eyes water, your nose run and leave you feverish.

So what do they do? They tell you what the pollsters tell them you want to hear. Pollsters are professional stalkers. They go through everyone’s garbage, compile a list of their prejudices and then turn them over to the Freddie Kruegers and James Carvilles who run today’s campaigns. Then come the television ads and the crisp soundbites you hear on the news. Candy-coated doo-doo, all of it.

Well, I say Ben Dover, America, and get ready to get a load of the truth.

Sure, the truth hurts. Everyone gets smacked in the face by the cold, hard hands of Truth one time or another. That ain’t discrimination. That’s Liberty and Justice for all.

WHY WHEN THE LAST EMBER IN THE HOTBED OF FREEDOM HAS BURNED GRAY AND COLD, I WILL STILL BE THE ONLY CANDIDATE.

When the Constitution is amended to permit corporations to establish their own parties, I will still be the only candidate. When the mass media permanently renounce political coverage in lieu of weather, traffic and sports every minute, I will still be the only candidate. When the Cookie in your World Wide Web browser becomes the holy wafer of electoral transubstantiation, whereby the vote of the people becomes the sovereign will, I will still be the only candidate. When the minority majority of Americans are finally transferred to high-tech prisons across the border, I will still be the only candidate. When all the hopeless drug addicts are exterminated, I will still be the only candidate. When the mentally ill are set adrift and abandoned to rot to death in the gutter, I will still be the only candidate. When the poor and the uneducated are fully punished for making the rest of us feel guilty, I will still be the only candidate. And when a little girl named Hope has been laid to rest at the tender age of three after being shot to death with her Daddy’s revolver, I will still be the only candidate.

For I am Ben Dover.

Ben Dover for Congress.

Ben Dover for Governor.

Ben Dover for President.

Ben Dover for America.