Dateline–World News Update

California ballot initiative to convert prisons into colleges

Sacramento, Calif. – A ballot initiative that would convert nearly 10 percent of California’s state prisons into state university campuses by 2005 has been admitted into official circulation after gaining the requisite number of signatures. Nicknamed the “Seventh Inning Stretch” in reference to the state’s “Three Strikes” sentencing laws, the bill’s chief proponent, multimillionaire Frank Jacqua, argues that California’s future in the high-tech industry is being threatened by its growing dependence on prisons.

According to Jacqua, “The pastoral setting of some of our smaller sites like Chuckawalia and Mule Creek are better suited for education rather than incarceration … [and] when the taxpayers of California see what their kids are missing, it won’t take much convincing.” The initiative would also allot hundreds of millions in state funds annually for the rehabilitation of nonviolent felons. Opponents accuse Jacqua of grandstanding at the expense of California voters and suggest that the only purpose of the initiative is to advance the wealthy entrepreneur’s political career.

Florida-based coffee chain serves more than lattes

Jacksonville, Fla. – A new chain of Bohemian-style coffee shops is winning over patrons in Florida with trademarked rudeness. The cozy stands, called “BrewNose,” promise to serve the very best cappuccinos, lattes, and espressos with a twist: their cashiers are trained to pepper customers with snide comments or cool indifference and even refuse service on “special occasions.” The odd marketing gimmick began as an experiment by the chain’s cofounders, Beale and Jimmie Roberts.

After launching the first BrewNose stand in the parking lot of a Burdines mall, the siblings noticed that they had better luck with customers when they affected a “black on the inside, black on the outside” demeanor. The two began wearing black clothing and playing music tapes sent to them by a friend who lives in San Francisco. Yet it was their faux churlish manner that eventually earned them a reputation as the real thing. “The meaner we acted,” quips Beale Roberts, “the nicer they got. It was amazing.”

The success of their “Java jerk routine” surprised even the brothers, who went on to open up a second BrewNose only nine months later. They are about to open another BrewNose, their seventh in two years, in the state capital of Tallahassee. The Robertses are confident their unconventional formula for success will work in the university town. “We hired a very talented team of young female bikers,” says Jimmie, the elder of the brothers and a former Army paratrooper, “and we convinced them to cut their hair and dye it black. The best thing is they already had the tattoos.”

Public docking stations for mobile phones to provide privacy and enhanced connectivity

Jerusalem, Israel – An Israeli telecommunications firm says it will introduce booths for mobile phone users this summer. The “cell phone booths” will allow users to recharge their batteries, dock their phones into a keyboard and monitor station and, most importantly, create a sphere of privacy for important phone calls. Gertie Raney, spokesperson for RWR Industries, makers of “the Cell Shell,” predicts her company will have difficulty filling orders for the versatile device. “We’ve already received more than a thousand orders from restaurants and movie theaters,” Raney adds. In addition to its wired-in capabilities, the Cell Shell uses an advanced aerospace design to effectively mute all conversations that take place within its sleek confines. Constructed out of transparent fiberglass, the high-tech booth for mobile phone fanatics will be sold in Europe and the United States later this year.